Journal-#2 (Using Fear)

The entire front door was blocked by a sea of shoes. Clogs, boots, sneakers, heels, it was enough footwear to start a store. At the base of the staircase was a sea of coats all flopped one on top of the other. Joey slipped his shoes and coat off and threw them with the others. Mari did the same but hesitated before letting her leather coat with brass buttons join the others. Everyone else was already planted in the split kitchen and living room the television was on full blast and the table was lined with food. Mary could feel the hot, stinging smell of beef tacos burn its way up her nose. She longed to be back in the cold air, but she followed Joey, his sweating hand ushering her to the table. He loaded a paper plate and motioned for her to do that same. Mari took a cookie a nibbled on the edge. He wide eyes wandered from person to person. Each was already laughing a schmoozing, the high pitch choir voices in the corner already lost in a song they all knew by heart. Mari could feel her knees sinking lower, as if she could make the floor turn into quicksand and sink through. Joey picked a place at the table and waved her into a chair. She sat, with out any word. Joey was already joining into a conversation, interjecting comments between shoveling in his taco. Mari smiled, as if it too was adding something to the chatter. She tried to add a little comment about their schools winter formal, but her little squeak was lost in a nearby crowds burst of Destiny’s Child. Mari focused her gaze on the patio door, a light flurry of snow peeping white into the night. She thought to alert everyone, but a comment about the weather made her feel old. Instead she listened to Joey and his friends gab on and on about the schools choir tour during winter break. Joey would burst into his solo every so often, his arms spread wide like a proud eagle. Mari smiled at Joey’s joy in his music. He tapped her on the shoulder and told her to join it. She shook her head like a sapling in the wind.

“I couldn’t,” she smiled, “not when everyone else here actually has talent.”

Joey laughed and playfully punched her in the arm. She continued to smile with half her mouth as Joey got up to join the group now singing Frank Sinatra.