Warming Up for Essay Writing!

Today I have to write an essay on a communications concept, theory, or time in history. I intended on writing about audio documentaries but I am finding very limited sources on the subject because it is fairly new. As you might have noticed I am writing this and not my paper. I really am hitting a wall with school. Once I get started on this paper I know I will just plow through it nonstop until it is done, but so far I lack the drive to continuously hack away on nonverbal communication. I also have to do plan workshop for another class, but that is not due until Monday. It has been a long couple of weeks and it is only going to get longer, but I know I can do it! I have to!

I wish I had more interesting things to say on here. Life is mostly consisting of homework and what little fear time I have for movies and such. I took a 3 hour long nap yesterday. If you knew me you'd know that that is a miracle! I blame Alex (not me). I'm trying to stay practiced with my writing, and this blog is helping greatly with just that! I can't wait to start my project once finals are done! I also can't wait for my internship to start. I decided instead of building it up into something perfect I'm thinking rationally about what I probably won't like about it. My hope is that that state of thinking will help me better appreciate the good stuff! "Sigh" Overthinking everything as usual.

On the very brightest of sides, I am feeling less and less afraid of writing. I accept that I am not the best out there, but know that I have a lot of potential to work with and polish. Someday I can hope to be great, but for now I will accept where I'm at. Life is working; I'm working; I will find a way. (Never thought about it, but can you use more than one semicolon in a sentence when it's not a list?!?) Hmmm....oh well!

Okay, my fingers are all warmed up. Time to write a paper!

And Not Me wants to come over even though we planned not to see each other all weekend because of our homework. Bahaha....I adore that guy <3

Maybe I'll post my essay on here when it's done! Though, it won't be anything good of special!

Toddles!

Like Clockwork

Every time I feel adjusted and okay with myself, it happens. Every time I think I'm happy it all comes back. I just...am at a loss. I will not let this confuse me, I will not let this cause me to sway. I just wish that things weren't so one sided. I wish that I could make selfish requests. I'm never granted that luxury. I want to make things fair...but I can't without being cruel. I can only choose to bow my head and keep going. I need to move forward. I need to keep running, and I will.

Found a Muse

Problem is that I'm up to my eyeballs in finals so the only thing I can do is take notes in my free time, and there is very little of that going on. Oh well. Starting the 9th I will have a project up and running ^_^ and I'm very excited for that! Now on to writing a final paper on organizational communications, followed by a discussion board on family communications and the drafting of an essay on communication studies or my specifically, audio communications. Wish me luck!

Toddles! <3

In Need of a Muse

First off, according to this stat business that this site offers, someone is viewing my blog! I don't really write with the intention that someone will be reading this, but I can't help but get excited when I see that little stat icon bloom with numbers! Now if only comments were left in the wake of views! This was my blog for a writing class in school about 2-3 years ago and now I've come back to it in the hope that something decent will leak out my hands and onto my keyboard. I haven't been able to write more than a few short stories the last couple of years, mostly out of some confused fear of writing. I don't know why I am afraid to write, but I am trying to use this as a way to get back into the swing of it all!

So I have decided I need a muse! I need a topic I feel passionate about to write on! I love movies, so I could do movie reviews, but I feel like I need some sort of hook besides writing about any old movie. The same with books and video games. I want to practice maintaining my focus by choosing a topic and writing on it almost everyday. I need the disipline if I am ever going to get back seriously into writing.

I love writing more than anything but I know that I am not making it a main focus in my life, school and social things have been taking that spot. I wish I could make writing a career or at least a dedicated hobby. I want to find a focus, a topic, and just just go for it! The problem is that my brain has been stuck. I don't want to just write about myself. That leaves too much room to be wishy-washy. I want to find something that requires focus and knowledge. It's kind of like "Julie and Julia" when she wrote about cooking everyday, I need something like that to discipline me! Until then I guess I will just babble. At least I'm keeping my lazy fingers moving.

I don't want to stop writing, but I don't want to babble either (this is why I need a muse!) I'm listening to "Televators" by The Mars Volta. I've never heard a song that was so close to a religious experience (well except Dark side of the Moon, which I listened to for the first time yesterday!).

And now my Dad burnt lemonade so the house is filled with smoke....don't ask.

So if I am actually talking to someone, leave a comment. I want to know your thoughts! Maybe if you have a suggestion on what to write about, you could comment on that too!

Toddles!

The Little Cup Fills Up

What can I say about the odd turns of the cogs in life? Well, first off I can point out how the damn things like to spontaneously change direction whenever they please. I also would like to make note of the fact that despite how cruel they can be, they also can also be generous.

Life has changed for me. I feel, better in a lot of way. Instead of being stuck in the gears of self-pity I have a sense of direction, like everything is finally coming together and, despite my doubts, everything does happen for a reason. All of that pain, self-doubt, arching fear, and self-loathing I finally feel like I deserve more, the first of that being a decent amount of self-respect. There's a lot of self-words going on today. That isn't normally a trend for me, I swear. I have a major, I have a path, I have someone who cares about me. I have all the things I thought a little more than a year ago that I thought I would never find.

I was so empty. Now I'm filling up. I'm a cup, a fat, tea cup that was collecting dust on the shelf. Now I'm am hosting sweet, flavorful tea that smells of familiar cinnamon and hazel. I hope someday to fill myself with more exotic spices like chia and such, but I will be patient for that. It seems that such patience has gotten me far, so I will keep that faith and persistence up. There can't be faith alone. There has to be motivation and strife. I am working towards the goals that I want. That is the best thing I can do

Love will keep us moving, it has kept me moving.