Trying to be Positive

I keep bobbing between being positive and wanting to give up. My hope is that maybe if I hit rock bottom I'll have nowhere to go but up. I think the overload of work and homework probably has something to do with it.

I hope you like the changes I've made to my set up and background! Dandelions are my all time favorite flower! I'm getting so tired and tomorrow is going to be such a busy day because I have a major project due that I haven't started and a test I need to take online. Luckily I've already studied and taken notes! I just wish my work load would slow down, but I know it's practically my fault for taking breaks during the week when in reality, I need to be working at least a little everyday. Such is life. At least I'm figuring out what I need to improve.

Funny how I can sound so positive now, when before I was melting down. I finally walked away from the conversation. It's not anything the other person did, I just know when I'm spiraling what I need to do is to walk away so I can get a grip. If I stay around the person I almost feel like I have permission or an obligation to keep venting. I feel better once I walk away and breath. I feel a lot better now, less overwhelmed. The problem is I never know what state I leave the other person in and I know it's unfair to leave them hanging and worrying about me. Someday I'll find a way of balancing things but at least I'm starting to recognize my major flaws. I'm learning so much....mostly from my mistakes. I wish I could argue that I've learned nothing, so as to put less stress on the fact that I've made mistakes, but the reality is that they are there and they are waving the flag of various lessons.

Annnnnd now I'm babbling, but it feels so good to get things out, to let my hands run lose! I wish I had something more interesting to say than things about myself, but I'm at a point in my life where I need to learn to understand and accept myself before I'll be ready to let anything else or anyone else truly in. I want to get passed my problems and know how to fight them so I can be a better person to others.

Someday I hope that I will be talking about many different and exciting things. I know with time, I will. I will make it. I have to.

Love, love, love

Nothing insightful or impacting to say, just have things to say.

Take care